Balloon Boy and the Porcupine Pals

Meet Your Hero

He's always been known as a fool
He doesn't have what it takes to be cool
Got no fashion sense
Likely 'cause he's so immense
His hair's a greasy mess
Meet your hero

Coke bottle glasses don his face
His momma says that he's a disgrace
He needs braces but his dad won't pay
Still calls his friends and asks if they “can play”
Has nothing intelligent to say
Meet your hero

Chorus
And gradually he realized
That he was actually smart
He didn't have to study
Because every time he guessed
He was right

His tastes are pretty weird
The kind of stuff that makes a normal person sneer
For example, his favorite band
Is “Certain Death,” an old heavy metal fad
His love for “Certain Death” is pathetically sad
Meet your hero

Most of his life he didn't have any smarts
He wasn't even good at crayon art
Most people call him a “goon”
Everyone else has named him “buffoon”
But his two friends call him Balloon
Meet your hero

Chorus

Victory

He likes this girl
He thinks she's hot
All of his friends know that she's not
Mindless attraction
That's what it is
The mere thought of her makes most guys cringe

Chorus
And she calls herself Victory
She ain't playin' no games
It's diabolical trickery
'Cause she hates everything about him

She’s kind of fat

But he likes it
Her bright orange hair?
An 80’s mullet
Her thunderous voice is to be feared
Plus her teeth stick out her mouth all weird

Chorus

Second Chorus
(He'll chase her....)
To the edge of town
To the edge of the world
To the edge of all that is
To the edge of his wits

Determination
That's what she's got
Her pale white forehead is always tied in knots
She's on a mission
She can't be stopped
Sooner or later she'll get what she wants

Chorus

Second Chorus

She's kind of fat
But he likes it
Her bright orange hair?
An 80's mullet
Her thunderous voice is to be feared
Plus her teeth stick out her mouth all weird

Cards in My Pocket (political song for Eddie Vedder to sing)

Teach me Ayn Rand
Teach me Ayn Rand

Card in my pocket tells me where I can go
Card in my pocket reveals the row I hoe
Card in my pocket tells me who I am
Card in my pocket exposes life is a scam
If I got a sickness and I need relief
Card in my pocket means the pain is brief
Until I show the doc and he don’t like what it says
As far as he’s concerned I can go away dead

Oh Ayn Rand, you lied
Oh Ayn Rand, you lied

Card in my pocket tells me how much I’m worth
Card in my pocket reveals the place of my birth
Card in my pocket gives me nine digits
Card in my pocket proves I’m no midget
If I see the bus and I need a ride
Card in my pocket means I’m bona fide
Until I show the cop and he don’t like what it says
As far as he’s concerned I can walk to my death

You lied; you lied; you lied; you lied; you lied

Oh Ayn Rand, you right wing stooge
Dagny Taggert had nothing to lose

I got these stupid cards in my pocket
To tell everyone I exist
And if you had it your way
I’d have twenty more cards clenched in my fist
My pocket’s already fat with the product of virtuous selfishness
So take your cards back you capitalistic apocalypse prophetess

You lied.

Consider

To the left

To the right
Either way you’re in for a fight
If you don’t
Take a stand
You’re gonna feel the backside of her hand
 
Chorus
(She says...)
“You should consider
All the things I’ve done for you
You should consider
All the places that you’ll see
You should consider
What’s best for me.”
 
You can stay
But if you do
She’s gonna think you’re a faint-hearted fool
You can go
But, then again
There’s a good chance you’ll end up dead
 
Chorus
 
I
Am Not
Afraid
 
I will take you
Where you need to go
 
I
Am Not
Afraid
 
I will stay with you
As long as you want me to
 
To the left
To the Right
Either way you’re in for a fight
 
“Think of all the things you'll see
If you try to do what's best for me....”

Nosebleed

If you wake up
In the morn
And you got a big nosebleed
You can kiss you life good bye

Because your gonna die
You got no chance
About eight or nine months from now
The sickness will advance
Until one day, you feel a great load
Then your head will explode

It came from
An alien world
Long ago, they found a cure
But they live so far away

Because you'll die some day
You got no chance
About eight or nine months for now
The sickness will advance
Until one day, you feel a great load
Then your head will explode

Maybe there's a chance we can find the cure
Maybe there's a chance we can find the cure
Maybe there's a chance we can find the cure
Maybe there's a chance....

If you wake up
In the morn
And you got a big nosebleed
You can kiss your life goodbye

Temporary Immortality

I need something more                         

Than what you're fighting for                       
(How about)                               
Temporary                                   
Immortality                               

Chorus                                   
Tell me,                               
Will I                                   
Be alright?                               
I need you to
Promise me
If I go to the sky
There's no way
I'm gonna die

Oh yeah, sure, we're friends
But my help depends
On Temporary
Immortality

Chorus

Second Chorus
It's really no big deal
Don't you dare conceal
My fate you must reveal
Just guess that I
Could never go awry
That I will never die
You have to guarantee
Temporary
Immortality

So it comes to this
If you want my services
Temporary
Immortality

Chorus

Second Chorus

Hey!
You gotta recognize
That I am never wrong
We may discover that
Your life won't be too long

But if you think you're sure
I'll reveal what I can see
Temporary
Immortality

Single-Wide

We float along
In this empty, dark place
Scientists call space

We don’t know
Where we’re going
But we know
How to get there
We follow the bright nucleus

Chorus
Single-wide
Take me far away
To a place
Where single-wides
Are no disgrace

Twenty-nine
Million light years
Away from here

In the filament-like Cloud
Of galaxies
Just south of
The Virgo cluster
That’s where we’re going

Chorus

We float along
Where?  We don’t know
We do know it's millions of light years away
We heard it’s close to Virgo

A Single-wide will take us there

Glitter on Glue

Sprinkled, like glitter on glue

Are the thoughts, I think about you
Sparkling, so frequently
On the innocence and beauty

Chorus
Even if I, were to try
To dim these reflections of light
I'd forever be
Caught in a lie

I find it, impossible
To close, my eyes to the sight
And so sprinkled, like glitter on glue
Perfectly, attached to you

Chorus

So I come to you
Hoping that one day you'll see
So I come to you
Hoping for....

Sprinkled, like glitter on glue
Are the thoughts I, think about you
Sprinkled, like glitter on glue
Perfectly, attached to you

Petty Hooligans

Your actions are a violation                       
Of Penal Code Section 213                   
Defining Hooliganism                       
As including vagrancy                       

Half Chorus                           
But they always say:
“I am innocent, I am innocent.                   
Please refrain.”                           
                               
Your behavior's especially offensive               
In light of your marked dissidence       
The extraordinary cynicism                   
The overall resistance

Chorus
But they always say:
“I am innocent, I am innocent.
Please refrain.”
You're petty hooligans
Petty hooligans

Upon review of the graded system
Your conduct may be classified
As a meaningless infraction
For which you may be pacified

Half Chorus

Nevertheless, with further attention                
A deeper examination
Your actions are likely malicious
Due to your recidivism

Chorus

Second Chorus
“We're flying so fast, it's so much fun!”
Didn't believe you'd be outrun
“Let's chart a course for the nearest star!”
Didn't foresee you'd be outdone
Flagrant vagrants, mockers, stalkers 
Liars, and fighters, causing disorder

Second Chorus

Your actions are a violation
Of Penal Code Section 213
Defining Hooliganism
As including vagrancy

Half Chorus

Indeed, with further attention
Upon a more exact review
It is clear your malicious actions
Merit permanent taboo

Chorus

Wartime Comradeship

“Comradeship”
That was what she said
Couldn't even mention
They were friends

“A common enemy
That's where it ends”

Chorus
“Affinity
Brings two people close
In a time of war
Of course they've similar goals
Don't you try
To read between the lines
As the conflict recedes
Your feelings will decline”

That exotic glow
Makes us feel
As if we're one

War's intoxication
That's where it comes from

Chorus

“We're not friends, we're not in love
It's wartime comradeship”

That was what she said
Couldn't even mention they were friends

Star Sky

There he sits
He feels alone
and the stars in the sky reveal he's far from home

She's gone away
She was taken away from him
and the stars in the sky are waning cold and dim

Chorus
“Whoa!”
“No!”
“You took my love, now she's gone away!”
He screams, “hey!”

He has no plan
Doesn't know what to do
and his friends seem pleased she's far removed

A rare look in his eye
Something they've never seen
and the stars in the sky reflect his furious screams

Chorus

Second Chorus
He's determined to find her
Bent on ending this once and for all
Unwilling to fail, but willing to fall

Chorus

Second Chorus

Third Chorus
“Are you with me or not?  I'm leaving this place.
I'm gonna fight my way to the end of space.
I don't care about a word you say
She means everything to me.”

Third Chorus